For the very first Wellness Wednesday of 2022, I want to talk about how we can not fall into the toxic positivity wellness trend that happens every year. Regardless of the many blessings, I think we can all agree that it is marvelous to put 2021 in hindsight and move forward to new adventures. While doing that, I wanted to talk a bit about the concept of New Year resolutions and why we should not necessarily do away with them, just give them a little zhoozh.
Something I struggle with every year is the endless stream of "New Year, New Me" posts, comments, etc.. Hear me out :)
While I absolutely believe it is important to have goals and dreams that we want to achieve, these all or nothing resolutions will set us up for failure.
"I'm going to lose xxx Lbs".
"I'm going to meditate xx minutes every day!"
"I'm going to do xyz"
"I will not do xyz".
These are all wonderful and valid goals to want to achieve and I want to make it clear that I in no way, want to take away from that intention. The new year is definitely a great time to start with a clean slate and make those positive changes in our life, but if the past couple of years have shown us anything at all, it is that someone in the universe is always going to ask us to hold their beer just when we think we've gotten things under control!
I am just as guilty as others when it comes to grand gestures of change and resolution.
"This is the year I get out of debt, get my body healthy, travel more, write that book, etc.." The problem lies in not in the intention, but in the implication that we must do these things to be our best person and if we don't accomplish these goals exactly how we set them, we have somehow failed. How many times do we make a overly excited, hyper-specific announcement on social media or to our friends/loved ones and document the exact steps we are going to take to get there, only to have life get in the way and we slink into the shadows days or weeks later feeling bad about ourselves because we weren't able to follow through. It is a vicious cycle that so many of us fall into every year and lends itself to an all or nothing mindset that does nothing to promote wellness in our body, mind or soul. Instead, we might find ourselves feeling shame, disappointment or distress that we did not do what we set out.
So, what if we set ourselves up to thrive instead?
Before I offer some alternatives, let's talk about this concept of toxic positivity wellness. If you aren't familiar with toxic positivity, it is essentially believing that "everything is good" and putting a positive spin on any situation no matter how traumatic. Sometimes things just suck and it's ok to acknowledge that. For example, when experiences the loss of a loved one, we consistently see statements like, "They are in a better place." or "Remember the good times" While those sentiments are made with the best of intentions, by trying to force a positive spin on a heartbreaking situation, we are not allowing that individual the space to grieve which in turn may cause a feeling that they cannot express their grief (this is a whole entire other topic that I may address in a future post). When we add that sort of thinking to our wellness plans, that is where we get into the TPW. I want to reiterate that it is 100% ok and important to have goals and endgames that we are working towards. What I want to encourage is kindness to our own selves and the opportunity to keep moving forward without feeling like we have failed. Instead of: "I am going to work out every day for 30 minutes, eat only healthy foods and lose this many pounds by this date! I CAN DO THIS!" Try: "I am going to make an effort to move my body more every day, make healthier food choices and work towards living a healthier lifestyle this year. I CAN DO THIS!". Instead of: "I am going to meditate for one hour every single day and only allow good energy in my space." Try: "I am going to spend more time in meditation and be mindful of how I allow negative situations and energies to affect me." Let's look at how those simple word choices can affect how we move forward on our wellness journeys. With the first statements, we are putting finite limitations on our goals. "I will do this for exactly this long." Already we are not allowing ourselves room for flexibility. Some days I do not have an entire hour to devote to meditation and that is ok. Some days I am able to spend a good portion of a day and that is ok. Some days we may not have the capacity to spend thirty minutes exercising and that is ok. Some days we may get in a hike and a gym workout and end the day with some yoga and that is ok! By switching from a toxic positive statement to a gentle care statement, at the end of a day we can say, "I did not get much physical exercise today, but I spent time on the couch with my animal and that made me happy. In the morning I can make time to move my body." We do not leave an opportunity to feel bad for what we didn't do, instead celebrating what we did do and making a plan to do what we originally intended. Wellness isn't a straight line and by allowing ourselves room to deviate from self, or societal imposed norms and structure, we are giving our souls the gift of grace and by doing that, the actions begin coming naturally. Something I encourage my clients to do, especially when it comes to the spiritual portion of our wellness journey, is baby steps and doing things in their own way. You do not have to sit on the floor in lotus position, incense burning, chanting to meditate. Sometimes meditation is taking sixty seconds in the grocery store parking lot to close your eyes, focus on your breathing and connect with your body, mind and soul. Sometimes meditation is rolling down the windows and driving country roads belting your favorite music.
Exercise does not have to be going to the gym or running 4 miles. Sometimes it can be dancing in the living room with your dog (not that I would know lol). Whatever journey you have chosen for the next year (or beyond!), let it be exactly what it is. Be open to growth without boundaries, and wellness without limits. Do it on your terms and measure your successes with love and patience. And for the love, drink your water ;)
Namaste,
Chrys
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